Posted by: Patrice Fitzgerald | October 16, 2010

I see your rejection, and raise you one sassy response!

Dear Underpaid, Overworked Intern:

Pssssst!  Over here!  (Just keep your head down, eyes on the screen, and act like you’re working.  Like when you’re updating fb or checking out a game of strip Tic Tac Toe.)

I got your standard form rejection, which you and I both know you had to send on the orders of your Scrooge-like literary agent boss.  Yeah, I recognize that you’ve got a quota – at least 50 “we regret to say, other agents may feel differently, subjective business, blah blah blah” notes every day.

But now that you’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s be honest.  I know you recognize the worth of my manuscript.  It’s hard to decide if my publishing arc will look more like that of Stieg Larsson or Stephenie Meyer, but I’ll be satisfied either way.

So I’ll make you a deal.  We both know it’s gotten old, this kowtowing to the bigwigs in your office.  This… “run and get me a latte, there’s a good intern,” or “you don’t mind staying late to burn the slush pile in the working fireplace on Friday night, do you, hon?  We sure can’t afford to heat this big office with oil, what with all those Kindles out there!”

Here’s my proposition.  You ditch that dead end job, start up your own literary agency next week, and I’ll be your first – and biggest – client.  We’ll take on the industry together!  We’ll teach them a thing or two!  All platforms… print, electronic, and intergalactic.  We’ll make a bundle – you and me together, babe.

You know where to reach me.  I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship!


Humble (soon-to-be-bestselling) Author


  1. Bah! Humbug! More latte!! Seriously, I fervently (even fervidly) hope that you become a grand success, a Janet Evanovich of Arden-on-Sound!! (Salt & Pepper, here we come!)

  2. Yes, but you have a vested interest in my financial success! (And sssshhh… no one knows about Salt & Pepper, my new mystery series set in lovely Arden-on-the-Sound, about a singing, sleuthing, red-headed lawyer and her psychic Wiccan pal who discover a skeleton in the closet.)

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